I'm not sure how I feel. grief, sadness, guilt? I found out she had cancer 2 months ago, but didn't call her/text her/facebook her. My first thoughts were cold, clinical - what do you expect me to do? but 1 month later, i heard she had metastatic cancer, melanoma. i was shocked, i realized then, finally, stupidly, i still couldn't do anything but i facebook'd her telling her i would be there if she needed someone to talk to about treatments, etc. but i knew it was already too late. she responded, and i was glad to hear from her.
but i found out today that she died. i feel grief that we lost someone so young and so genuinely kind, she was only one year older. i feel sadness that her 2 year old daughter will grow up not knowing her mother, and that her friends, parents, brother, husband had to lose her so soon. i feel guilt because i was so callous, so cold in the beginning. even though i hadn't talked with her for at least 7 years, it's still shocking.
and now i go to her facebook page and it's filled with rest in peace. she really isn't here anymore.
