ranking sucks.

i finally put in my finalized list the last morning i could and how i got there is a foggy haze. but in the end, like so many of our predecessors, the decision was mostly gut and some part brain.

i made a list with the most rational career decisions. it was clearly a black and white issue. but then i was reminded of personal needs and wants. and then i was reminded that maybe what i want now will be the exact opposite of what i want later. and then i realized i had no freaking idea what i even wanted now.

that was 10 days ago.

so then i made a new list. i agonized over it. i considered the actuals and then the potentials. i struggled over how to measure a potential future/happiness/pain to the actual possibilities of future/happiness/pain i had in front of me.

i agonized more.

so then i started asking for advice from every single person i knew. all the while, i knew that everyone's advice came from their own life experiences. that the regrets/happiness they had experienced and the happiness they wanted me to experience would color their thoughts on my own rank list. and i knew that my own hopes and dreams were preventing me from seeing myself in a clear light.

but can anyone really see me in a completely objective light? who knows more about all the personal subtleties involved with placing one program/location over another than me?

i just finalized my list this morning. and i feel well. my brain keeps running in circles but my gut is calm. and since my gut has as many neurons as my brain, i feel like this is the right choice.

that's the beauty of being human. we can rationalize all we want. we can assign percentages and make enormous spreadsheet charts. but really, isn't the future what we make of it? if you want to be happy, you WILL be happy. if you want to be disappointed, you ultimately will. whatever happens on match day, i'm going to choose the former. i can't wait.

Instead of studying for step 2 ck, I got sucked into the behemoth known as American Idol.

Group day is one of the most stressful things I have ever lived through vicariously. The emotions are frightening and the amount of needless dramatics is very whelming.

But you always have that one cute kid/heartbreaking story that the producers want you to root for. On this episode, that kid was JC Badoo.

(i could not find a better picture. picture above with a sweet smile and a good voice.)

He's a 15 year old kid with a talented voice, but with his size and general niceness, he undoubtedly had a rough history of bullying and being the odd one out. ie He got kicked off his original team for not being "the right fit" aka "you will bring us down" aka "you don't act like us/are not the same age as us/are not the same ethnicity" (pretty much the only types of groups formed). I was outraged. How can a group of individuals gang up against a poor defenseless kid like that? and the worse part was JC just accepted it and moved on. He didn't rale against the injustice of it or even shed one tear. He was so used to rejection that this latest incident was just one of many.

He eventually found a new team and they welcomed him with open arms. But it was already so late into the night, I wondered if he was going to do well.

JC's 2nd team performed well and they all passed and JC finally broke down. He had finally received the affirmation that he deserved. He WAS good enough. He IS talented. He really could become a star.

And then the absolute evilness that was JC's 1st team was called to the stage. I was ready for blood. But, after their own dazzling performance, filled with suave moves and even stronger voices, I had to admit, maybe they were right. If soft singing JC had performed with his first team, he would not have made the cut.

I'm still glad he made it this far. Even if it was through unfortunate circumstances and serendipitous chances. But who cares? Luck is about taking advantage of opportunities no matter how they come by. Good luck JC! I'll be rooting for you until the cameras give me a new cause to fight for next week.

grammy's was on last night and there's one performance that i know everyone can't stop talking about:

(i missed lady gaga's egg)

this is joe kwon, 1.9 generation korean-american. he was the cellist playing in the hidden camera angles and shadows of the avett brothers during the grammys. but i saw him.

a freaking asian! on television! actually asian-americans on television is kinda old news now. something about this cycle of popular minority in media is asian? hopefully it'll be more than a cycle.

anyway, joe kwon is a recent recruit to the Avett Brothers (folk triplet/trio/terzet). according to charlotte observer.com he's a math major who worked for ibm with a passion for classic cello that through some diligent hard work led to his loose crazy improvisational style with the Avett Brothers.

he's also a culinary genius. math whiz+cellist whiz+actual cook? sometimes i feel like i fail at being asian. (to those who don't know, i don't cook. my last scarring experience with exploding garlic in a pot of boiling oil is an experience i don't want to repeat.)

here are some fairer pictures of the cellist:

i'm just glad he can grow some decent facial hair. then he won't feel like the odd man out next to all those long haired/long bearded folksy folk.

source. joe kwon food blog.

Compromise ruins relationships.

is what I learned while waiting at the dentist's office yesterday. and i absolutely agree.

i was reading an article about married couples who were at the breaking point of their relationships. these were people who had married for love but either because of an accumulation of small daily stresses or the big decisions of whether or not to have a child were tearing them apart.

Example 1: Mary and Todd

They had 3 children from 8-13 years of age. and every morning was a battle between them to get their kids ready for school. Todd wanted them to learn that actions had consequences, so if they didn't wake up on time with their alarm clocks or missed the school bus, they had to walk to school. Mary wanted them to just get to school, so she would personally wake them up even if they had overslept and drive them to school if they missed the school bus. The kids took full advantage of their parents' arguments and ended up sleeping in and more often than not getting a ride to school.

Both Mary and Todd thought that theirs was the right way. And both felt like they were getting the short end of the stick when it came to the morning routine.

Example 2: Chris and Jill

This was Chris' 2nd marriage and Jill's 1st. Chris already had a 14 year old daughter from his first marriage. Jill had no children of her own. Jill wanted to have kids. Chris, seeing how distraught his daughter was over her dad having another kid, didn't. They were at an impasse. Jill even said that if she knew Chris would have changed his mind about having kids after they were married, she wouldn't have married him in the first place.

In argument over argument, Chris and Jill became more and more polarized. Chris listed all the reasons why they shouldn't have kids. Jill listed all the reasons why they should have kids. If either gave an inch, the other would use it as ammo for their own cause.

Solutions:

I thought the therapist was brilliant. She basically recommended that both couples try the other side for a week at a time and see what happened.

For Mary and Todd, she told them that ONE person should be in charge for a week and the other should just observe. For Chris and Jill, she said that they BOTH should talk about the pros of having kids once and then the cons of having children another time.

And apparently both worked.

For Mary and Todd, they each saw how some of their own routines worked and didn't. Mary saw that by driving the kids to school, the kids would try harder to be late. Todd saw that actually waking up the kids made the whole morning routine less stressful and more efficient.

For Chris and Jill, they may not have come to an agreement, but they were able to see another aspect of their spouses. Rather than the bastard who won't have kids and the incredibly selfish bitch, they saw the husband who was torn between love for his daughter and wife and they saw the wife who wanted a child of her own and was hurt her husband didn't want to share such an important experience.

They say give a little, take a little. But, it might be better to give a lot and take a lot. If one person is in New York and the other in California, it doesn't make sense to live in Montana. Both would feel like they had compromised, both would feel like the other owed them in some way, both would feel like they had been screwed. Rather, it might work better if they both lived in New York, then it's clear who gave/took and when it comes to the next big decision, it'll be on the other person's terms.

Clearly one reason the therapist sessions worked was because she forced the partners to really step into the other's shoes. It's easy to criticize when you're just watching someone. It's harder to bitch when you actually had to stand up for them/actually tried to do things their way for once because you end up criticizing yourself.

If you think of one partner as black and the other white, where they meet shouldn't be just a mix of the two and plain gray. Maybe, it should look more like a checkerboard but when you step back and look at the big picture, it still turns out to be one happy solid color.

i love tablets, but i hate the virtual keyboard. mostly because you can't rest your hands on it unless you want to write pure crazy gibberish. and whenever i use one, i feel the bones creaking as i slowly type and look on in envy as teenagers' fingers blur effortlessly and confidently over new technology.

but i am still in serious want. for tablets. i need something i can write on, read on, internet on and still carry around without risking another upper extremity DVT. i even blogged about it a couple weeks ago: my ultimate portable computing machine: ipad + bluetooth keyboard + magic mouse.

and now. i've found it.

Behold, the Asus EEE Pad Slider.

Apparently, there's this huge thing called CES aka Consumer Electronics Show that takes place annually and debuts the newest and hottest electronics for the year. And Asus debuted not one, but FOUR tablet alternatives.

(1) Asus EEE Pad Slider: 10.1" Tablet + sliding keyboard + Android 3.0

(2) ASUS EEE Slate EP 121: 12" Tablet + wireless keyboard + Windows 7

(3) ASUS EEE Pad MeMO: 7" Handheld Tablet + Stylus + Android 3.0

(4) ASUS EEE Pad Transformer: 10.1" Tablet + dockable Keyboard + Android 3.0

And all of them have cameras. And except for the slider, they have some type of HDMI output as well. Pricetags are $499 to $1099. More info here.

I may have discovered them a month after the official techie community, but my inner poser geek CANNOT WAIT.

i hate the term, "no offense."

people use "no offense" to blunt the blow of a below the belt comment. for example (actual comments heard, may be exaggerated), "I just don't like those kids who get into medical school from college, in fact, i just hate them all, no offense." (it's called we thought ahead) or "sorry, your car just looked like something a $%@# would drive, no offense." etc etc OFFENSE TAKEN, jackass.

if you're going to be rude and impolite, just say it. better yet, keep your offensive mouth shut and don't say anything at all. you're a coward if you think "no offenses," "sorry but," "i'm not judging!" make you blameless. NO OFFENSE.

this was the craziest storm. ever.

this storm, aka 2011 blizzard/ ground hog day blizzard/most exciting day of my life! blizzard, dumped 20.2" of snow in a period of 24 hours. it inspired words like thunder-snow (there really was lightening) from legendary chicago weather announcer Tom Skilling. It trapped hundreds of motorists on lake shore drive. it was furious, frightening and unforgettable.

i woke up this morning (late of course, who the hell would go to class in this weather) and all i could see was white out of my windows.

Normal view outside:

This morning's view outside:

The storm was too incredible to miss. I had to get out and explore. With winds up to 60 mph, and visibility down to 20 feet sometimes, this was the opportunity of a lifetime!! The last time a storm this big hit was '67, I could possibly never see a weather event of this magnitude again.

I trekked over to Lake shore drive first.

(the lake)

It was completely barren except for the occasional pedestrians/snow trucks/squad cars. I saw a group of up to no good guys wandering down the middle of auxiliary LSD (main LSD was shut down). and by no good guys, i mean fellow classmates ;) They'd braved the weather all the way from Lincoln Park.

punch the hurricane steve!

(http://www.hulu.com/watch/180975/saturday-night-live-jay-as-will-smith)

They told me that the lake was really awful. Truly the only words that would make me want to see the lake up close and personal. Tom Skilling told me that the waves went up to 25 feet during the storms because of the winds. From the words awful and 25 feet waves, I was destined to check it out.

I took the tunnel down, although safety may have been questionable what with the security tape/barricades. But hey, the policeman on patrol didn't say anything when a dad/son pair went down, so I took my chances. Needless to say, the drifts were impressive. I tried to get a quick shot of the lake, but the police man started hollering and I had to head back. Basically, imagine the lake pic from above, but 50 feet closer.

Shots of Mich Ave:

I stopped by Walgreens to get some more batteries for my dead camera, when who would you know, the same classmate peeps showed up at the same time. Serendipitous indeed.

All in all, since I don't have a job/didn't have a medical emergency/didn't get stuck on LSD/still had power, it was an awesome day.

i've never seen it lightening during a snow storm.

it's crazy out there.