Empathy is a joke.

The ability to truly understand another human being, whether in joys or ills, is humanly impossible. In fact, outside of our own close family and friends, other human beings are simply not real people.

My perspective on empathy changed when I became a patient myself a couple years back. Before undergoing a vascular Interventional Radiology procedure, I remember the fellow asked me if I wanted pain medications or not. Since she reassured me that there should be very little pain, I politely declined any analgesics. But when the fellow started to forcefully push the stiff catheter device into my arm, I had to stop the procedure. No pain?? This was fucking pain. Sharp, agonizing pain. I cried and I was embarrassed. and then I asked for some real pain meds.

The next time I went to IR again, I had a different fellow. I asked him to wait a few more seconds after numbing the catheter insertion site with lidocaine before proceeding. His impatience and frustration was obvious. Even though he "understood" the pain I would soon experience, finishing the procedure was a higher priority. I wasn't a real person to him. He waited a few more seconds than what was probably usual for him, and started anyway amidst my weak protests.

And then, I started to realize that the problem with empathy is not isolated to medical professionals and their patients. It's rampant, and it's everywhere. I've even blogged about it before.

Inability to empathize is why we can talk shit about each other. It's why we can conduct heinous acts of violence/racist crimes against each other. Because, even though we know that our victims are human beings, until we've been in their shoes, they are not real persons. We've all got a little antisocial personality disorder in us.

I've brought up my theories to friends/families and at first, there is reluctance to agree with me. People like to think of themselves as nice. That if they saw suffering of any sort, they would be able to relate and help in some way. But frankly, if we were able to empathize with the world, we would be frozen in terror and grief while we truly comprehended the effects of natural disasters and human tragedies.

Empathy really is a joke. And that's a good thing. It allows us to function when the rest of the world might be falling apart. Understanding the truth behind empathy can even make you a better sympathizer. People can tell when you're bullshitting, even if you can't yourself. But, when you realize your own limits, others start to appreciate that you do care, even if you still can't honestly relate.

And also, when more of us start to realize that it's so easy to hurt others because we view non family/friend peoples as objects instead of persons, the world might even become a better place.